memdump #07: self-pity is for the birds. | odditica

memdump #07: self-pity is for the birds.

I’ll be honest: I don’t know what I’m doing here.

Do you?

There’s never been any denying that I’m down in the dumps, even more so this time of year. Then again, lots of people are. You either already hate hearing about it, or it’s just plain annoying. Believe me when I say that I’m trying not to replace my identity with this sentiment. Obvious lies aside, I’d like to think the worst was left behind.

I resent the person I was five seconds ago. Broken record.

(there, there…)

Changing is hard. Ctrl+F for ‘I’ in previous paragraph.

Several people have made it abundantly clear to me just how soul-crushing it is to watch someone struggle to break away from the same self-destructive cycle for years on end, with little success. Broken goddamn record. It’s hard to watch, I know.

I’m exhausted, but it’s not like you didn’t already know that, nor do I think you’re interested in hearing about it again.
Not in a way that lacks a touch of subtlety, anyhow.

Believe it or not, I’m trying to change. As it turns out, the person responsible for the problem also happens to be the one who has to fix it. Surprising, I know. Seems like nobody is going to face my demons for me after all. How disappointing.

Changing is hard.

(notice: my justification for being so lazy ↑ )

Love songs resonate with me now, albeit uncomfortably so.

I don’t feel fine, but that’s okay. Maybe I’m not supposed to.

Today, we are wandering around Lidl, high off our mind, staring at what Häagen-Dazs has to offer; wanting to live, not knowing how.